Like all sixteen year old girls, I was immature, oblivious, and obnoxious about love. Sure I had an amazing time going on dates, going to dances, and spending my days day dreaming about the boy in history class. But in the back of my mind I always had this certain thought. This thought meant nothing to me in high school. By the time I was a senior I was way too involved in graduating, moving out of my parents house, and going to college that I never gave much thought to love. There were a few girls in my graduating class that were engaged by graduation and married by the end of the summer. Some of them even have 2 children by now, but not me. I went to school cheering because I was finally on my own. I was right where I wanted to be. Then I started going to the singles ward. Instead of going to church and learning about our Savior or reading the scriptures we learned about marriage. All everyone ever talked about was marriage. Would they make a great wife, would they have children, where would they live? Suddenly I felt that church was not only a place of worship but rather a place to find a husband. There was only two problems with this situation. One, I don't come to church to date, I come to church to get away from all of the worldly things and to grow closer to my Heavenly Father. Two, there was absolutely positively no one in my entire ward that I would have even considered dating. Needless to say the first few years of college were a little rough for me. Getting use to college, studying, working full time, and dating were all a little much for me. Something had to be put on hold and it certainly was not school or work so dating kinda went out the window. It was not until then that the thought that was in the back in my mind became more more important to me. It started to make me a little depressed, my self esteem went down, and I would find myself worrying more about this then anything else. The thought was that I was never going to get married. There was never going to be anyone out there that would love me for who I was. On several occasions during my younger years I made THE LIST!!! I believe that all girls know what THE LIST is. And for those that don't THE LIST is what girls make about all the attributes/ characteristics they want in their future husbands. I just thought that there was never going to be anyone that fulfilled my list.
I never really had a valentine. I always seemed to break up with a boy right before or start dating one just after. To be honest I kinda hated Valentine's. It was just another day to remind me that I was never going to get married, that no one was ever going to love me. It was also a day for the card and flower companies to get people's money. I always figured that if there was ever a man that loved me that he should show me he loved me every day and not because he was supposed to. At some point I came to "meltdown" or so I thought. All my friend's were getting married, and every where I looked I wanted what everybody else was having. A good friend of mine gave some great advice. " Dani, you are a beautiful, intelligent person. Anyone would be lucky to have, but are worrying about it too much. You need to focus on yourself, trust in the lord, and when it is time you will find the right person."
A few years later, I did meet the right person. I did meet the person that loved me for me. I met someone that did fulfill my list. I realize now that all the stress, worry, and depression that I went through was not worth it. I was doing all the right things that I was supposed to I should have known that the lord would have blessed me for it. I am still a little wiry about Valentine's Day. I still think that I should be loved everyday and not on one particular day. But I know that Gabe does love me everyday and when there is a knock at the door at 8 in the morning on Valentine's and the guy is holding flowers from Gabe I kinda like Valentine's!!!
