January is one of my favorite months ever. This is the time that I begin to look over the coming year and decide what I want to happen. For years, I have always had the same goals that I wanted to accomplish. Somehow by the middle of April all those goals have gone out the window. By the end of December I have accomplished nothing that I wanted to. This year I hope to be different. Let's be honest, I have never ever been classified into the skinny category. My weight has always been an issue for me. At times I have found myself sad, depressed, and in envy of all the beautiful skinny women in the world. Often times, I always thought that all men wanted skinny, petite, size zero girls. It was not until I met Gabe. He was the first man that loved me for me. I love him with all my heart and I know that he loves me, but I want to be able to love myself. I want to be able to look in the mirror and to be happy with what I see. I also want to be healthy, I want to be able to have children one day and to be able to see my grandchildren. I want to have more energy and not feel like a slug.
My work has done something very fun this year. They have started The Biggest Loser. All those that have wanted to join pay 20 dollars to the pot. For 12 weeks we are all on a diet, exercising, and having weekly weigh ins. The winner at the end of the 12 weeks gets the money in the pot. So far we have gotten the pot up to $600 dollars. I am not doing this for the money, although it would be nice. I am doing this for me. I need to be healthy, I want to fit into clothes and look good. But mostly I think that I want to feel happy about who I am. I will never be a size zero and that is ok. I just want to get to the point in life where I am happy to see what I see in the mirror and I want to feel better about myself.
I am determined to do this. I have reached the breaking point in life that I have run out of excuses. So my goal for 2012 is to be healthy, to be happy, and to love myself. I know that when December 31st roles around I am not going to be sitting around depressed about what I have not accomplished but rather happy at what I have accomplished.
Hey - that is definitely one of my goals too! And thanks for writing such a beautiful, personal post. I am trying to exercise again - and not have so many treats! At the next family party, we can take healthy treats and bypass the dessert bar. :)
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