Simple Joys

I feel as though I am the most random person in the world. When I get an idea in my head I continue to think about it and think about it some more. For those that don't know this, I used to play the violin. I started playing in the fifth grade. When in the fifth grade it was a requirement that we all had to play the violin for music class. All the students learned a few songs and we played in a concert. At the time I did not think much about it and honestly it seemed worthless. I am sure that a group of ninety fifth graders that had only a few months experience of playing the violin did not sound very good. But we all did and once the concert was over so was my career of playing the violin. Or so I thought. Well when I entered middle school most of my good friends were in orchestra and I wanted to be too. Of course I had some experience in playing the violin so I thought I would give it a shot. I rented a violin from school and joined the orchestra. I thought it was fantastic. I practiced everyday, learned how to read music, and was involved in school. As the years went on I continued to play and watched several other kids in Orchestra advance a lot faster than I  did. I did not care I was having fun doing it.
    I would find that when I was sad, depressed, and or angry I would lock myself in my room, pull out my violin and practice. If I was sad I would play something slow and depressing. If I was angry I would play something fast and loud. I guess I never realized that playing the violin was my way of expressing my feelings. When I finally hit high school I realized that I had not progressed as much as I would have liked on the violin. So my mother got me into private lessons. I had a wonderful teacher who was very patient and understanding. If I were her I probably would have given up on me way before I even started. But she taught me how to be a better player. She encouraged me to get over my shyness and to play in front of people. I felt like I was doing really well. In high school we had an advanced orchestra and an intermediate orchestra. I was never good enough to get into the advanced orchestra and I was always stuck in intermediate. Finally in my senior year of high school I dropped out of orchestra. I was discouraged that I had worked so hard and never made it to advanced. I continued to do lessons and mostly just played for myself. When I moved down SLC to go school I had to quit lessons and I put my violin away. In the five years that I have lived here in SLC I think that I have only taken out my violin twice. Gabe and I have been together 2 years and he has never even seen it little lone heard me play.
     For the last few months I have randomly been thinking about my old dusty violin and wondering if I should start it up again. So today I did it. I got it out! The hair on my bow was coming out, the violin was dusty and it was badly out of tune. I quickly tuned it and got out the hymn book. I started to play I know that my Redeemer lives. I was still able to read the notes and remember where to place my fingers. I am sure I sounded like I was in the fifth grade again.  I am pretty sure that Gabe wanted to cover his ears and run away, and I am pretty sure that if I had played any longer than I had that the neighbors would have called the police. But when playing all the feelings of peace and comfort came back. I suddenly realized why I played the violin in the first place. It was the one thing that I was good at. It was the one thing that I could turn too when I needed to get away from what I was feeling. It was the one way that I could express how I felt. It is amazing to me how much music can affect your life. I may have never been the best violin player in the world, I may never be. I realized today that I did play the violin for me. Who knows I may pick it up again, or I may just save it for one of my children. But was a nice reminder that when life seems too hard and or difficult that music is what helps me get through it.