Losing it!!!

I have put off writing this post for awhile now. I was afraid that if I wrote it that everyone was going to think that it was just another attempt and that it would not last long. For the past month I have been dieting. Yes.... again! I know that I have said this before (a few times actually), but this time I mean business. I know somewhere in the last few months I have had a change of heart. Or maybe a change of mind. I have been so unhappy about the way that I look. I hate not fitting into clothes that I once used to. I finally came to the realization that I needed to make a change. I was the only one that could make that change. I suddenly realized that I was not doing this for Gabe, for my family, for my future kids, not for anyone but myself. I hate looking in the mirror. The mirror is one of my biggest fears. When I look in the mirror I know that I have to see what I look like and I hate it.
One of the biggest downfalls I have about dieting is that I do it for a minute and when I don't see the results right away I get discouraged and give up. Well I can honestly say that I have not gotten discouraged yet.... In the past month I have been on a strict diet, working out more than I have ever worked out in my entire life. My legs have become noodles, I often feel like an old lady, I am so sore all the time. But I am told that pain is good. For those that don't know this, I am very conscious about what people think about me. I know that it is probably not the best trait to have. This did not help when it came to going to the gym. There are several "in fit" people there. I selfishly hoped that there were other people there that were in the same boat I was. Not in the best shape, a little heavier but willing to make the change. There has been a few but not as much as I would of liked. Every time I go it gets a little easier to learn that I need to focus on myself. There may be those that are asking themselves why a person like me is at the gym. But I am trying, it is a big step that I am even here. I am also sure that I have a tendency to exaggerate a little. I am sure some of those people  don't even care what I do.
I am happy to report that I have lost sixteen pounds in the past month. Go me!!!! I feel great, my clothes are fitting better, and I have so much energy. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I struggle, when I feel that it's not working. But I have to keep telling myself that I can do it. How badly do I want this? I will keep making updates about my progress. This is only the beginning and I am determined to make it a perfect end.